Death Don't Have No Mercy

I've thought about this a little over the years (cause I tend to think about anything and everything).
American funerals are so boring. I swear the point of them is to bore you to death so that you can join the recently departed too. This is how I want my funeral to go:

First of all, lets ditch the suit and tie business. The dress code for my funeral will be tie-dye shirts and crazy hats. If you ever end up with a tie-dye I've made for you, wear it to the funeral. It'll be sort of like an art show of my tie-dyed works.

As far as food goes; leave the funeral potatoes at home! Fresh sushi, apple pie, and foreign foods all around. Cause lets be honest: everyone is sick of always eating potatoes, stew/soup, salads, etc. at funerals. I know I am.

For the actual funeral proceedings I hope to have a bagpipe band playing. But none of the Danny boy or Amazing grace classic funeral nonsense. No, they'll be covering Tom Waits and Grateful Dead tunes. Then the speakers will get up and tell stories of their funniest memories with me. I.e. stupid things I did, embarrassing moments, and other ridiculous/possibly illegal things I've done.  A slide show that goes along with some of these topics could be good too. You can spare the religious commentary; I'll already be dead and likely getting lectured on the other side anyways.

I haven't decided If I'd want to be cremated and grown into a tree or something, or just buried. If I do get buried though it had better be in a tie-dyed suit. Or just plain naked. It's not like my corpse will need the clothes anyways. Plus it will make for quite the viewing! If my children (or whomever is in charge of my estate when I die) can't civilly divvy out my belongings, then give the valuables to charity and use the rest for a raging bonfire celebration a month after.

After all, I want folks to have something to remember me by.


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