Life Automatic

An epidemic of laziness is sweeping the land. No one knows how to do anything anymore. Millennials are particularly doomed. Everything is slowly becoming automated.

Cars have become automatic. They do all the shifting for you. And taking it a step further, cars in the next few decades will be driving for you. I'm not sure if it's cause humans are lazy, or simply can't be trusted! Take bathrooms for example: you walk in the door, use the toilet and it flushes by itself. Is it so hard to flush a toilet yourself? I guess for rude people it is. Then you walk over to the sink and spend 3 minutes waving your hands around like a chimpanzee having a seizure; trying to get the stupid automatic sensor to work. But humans can't be trusted to turn off the water when they're done, so this is our punishment. You reach your hand over for soap. The lag in the automatic dispenser causes you to miss and instead squirts soap all over the counter. Next you walk over to the paper towel dispenser. After more chimpanzee hand gestures, it slowly spits out a square too small to truly be of any use. Because people can't be trusted.

Doors open by themselves. People are just too lazy to be troubled by pulling on a handle these days.
Toothbrushes are now automatic. When batteries die, bad breath reigns.
Robotic vacuums are the solution for push vacuums, which are arguably already the solution to brooms.
If you're too lazy to push 4 buttons, you can now vocally command your phone to do it instead.
Clap your hands and the lights turn off.
And lets not forget automatic food. Drive up fast food. But more importantly microwave dinners... the only people that will know how to cook in 100 years are the robots at the Kraft plant.

Then there's the one that really gets me: escalators! If people are too lazy to do the aforementioned tasks of course they're to lazy to walk up stairs. So of course people invented automatic stairs. Isn't that what elevators are for though? If you have some sort of disability, children in a stroller, large packages, etc. you still have to use an elevator anyways; and everyone else still has to be essentially capable of using stairs to use an escalator. And somehow we wonder why people are getting fatter.

Make way for technology! This is life automatic.


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